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Oct 16, 2026 · Theme of the week: Self-Talk

Feeling Friday - Edition 41

Path to Becoming
Feeling Friday
Theme of the week: Self-Talk
On Monday, I shared how I challenged a young hockey player’s negative self-talk, only to catch myself doing the same thing later that evening.
This week, I want us to look more closely at the thinking patterns behind the moments that involve negative self-talk.
Negative self-talk can involve something called cognitive distortions: automatic, often habitual ways of thinking that skew how we interpret reality. They can make a situation feel more negative or certain than the evidence supports, amplifying stress, anxiety, and low mood.
These patterns are explored in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), developed by Aaron Beck. Here are ten common ones you may recognize:
1. All-or-nothing thinking
Seeing things in extremes, with little room for anything in between. If something falls short of perfect, you consider it a complete failure. “I didn’t finish everything on my list, so today was wasted.”
2. Overgeneralization
Taking one difficult experience and treating it as proof of a permanent pattern. Words like “always” and “never” often appear. “I struggled with that conversation. I’ll never be good at meeting people.”
3. Mental filtering
Focusing on one negative detail until it overshadows the rest of the experience. You might receive plenty of encouraging feedback but only remember the criticism. “All I can think about is the one thing they said I needed to improve.”
4. Discounting the positive
Recognizing something positive, then finding a reason it doesn’t count. You may dismiss your effort as luck or assume someone’s compliment is insincere. “I only did well because it was easy.”
5. Jumping to conclusions
Deciding something is true without enough evidence. This includes assuming you know what someone thinks or predicting that something will go badly. “They haven’t replied. I must have done something wrong.”
6. Magnification or minimization
Blowing a mistake out of proportion or making your strengths seem insignificant. Your setbacks receive far more weight than your abilities. “That mistake was enormous. My previous good work means nothing now.”
7. Emotional reasoning
Treating how you feel as evidence of what is true. The feeling is real, but it may not accurately describe the situation. “I feel like I’m failing, so I must be failing.”
8. “Should” statements
Holding yourself or others to rigid expectations without allowing for circumstances or limitations. These rules can leave little room for being human. “I should be able to handle all of this without needing help.”
9. Labelling
Turning a specific action or mistake into a judgment about your whole identity. “I forgot something important. I’m an idiot.”
10. Personalization and blame
Taking responsibility for something that wasn’t entirely within your control, or placing all responsibility on others without considering your own contribution. “My teammate had a bad game. I should have helped prevent it.”
The ability to recognize these patterns gives us an opportunity to pause. Then we can practice a rational response: rewriting the thought in a way that is logical, fair, and grounded in the facts.
For example:
“They haven’t replied. I must have done something wrong.” → “I don’t know why they haven’t replied. There could be several explanations.”
“I forgot something important. I’m an idiot.” → “I forgot something important. I can take responsibility and set a reminder next time.”
This weekend, notice one self-critical thought. See whether the thought matches an example from the list, then ask: What evidence supports this thought? What am I leaving out?
Use your answers to write a more balanced response.
For me, this comes back to Monday’s question: Is this thought right and true?
Have a great weekend everybody!
Stay strong, even when you are not. It's okay, you are not alone.
With love always,
Michael Argyrides
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